Blood Sweat and Tears

The agency finally got around to sending the investigator.  After about two hours of useless questions, we found out what prompted this crap.  According to a day care teacher, Kari has been playing with herself in her chair at daycare, and while she sleeps on her mat.  But oddly enough, Daycare never questioned us about it, which leads me to wonder if they had an agenda, or if a teacher had an agenda.

So now that the investigation is over, we lost the girls, they've been moved to some other placement, and as usual, the agency never truly thinks about what's best for any child.  So, Kari and and Kris, who have been calling us mommy and daddy for 6 months, will now think that nobody loves them, because they already think that their real mother and daddy sent them away, and now they'll think that we sent them away, and so on and on.

We are still waiting to see if we get to keep J.  If they move him too, I don't think I'll be able to do this anymore, because I'm getting weary of opening my heart, having promises that we can have our children, then having them yanked away.  I'm getting tired of the heartbreak.

This makes 10 children we've kept and if J gets taken away, it'll be four times we've been told that rights will be termed, and we'll be able to adopt, only to have our dreams snatched away.

In case anyone's keeping score, it's one adoption agency and now this one that's been screwing with us.

I want to know why drug infested parents who don't give a shit can have kids, while people who really love kids and want a family can't have any.  I've asked the creator, but so far, he's not answering.

I just want what every teenage teeny bopper and her boyfriend of the week has, I want us to have children and have a family.  Is that too much to ask for?

On another front, my sister has had her newest kid for a half a month, and I find the irony not amusing.  I don't begrudge her her family, but I want one too.

9 days and counting.

It's been 9 days since the agency took our kids, and we've seen neither hide nor hair out of the so-called investigator.
If we were parents, the agency would have already told us what we needed to do in order to get them back, and would have already started spoon feeding us their service plan.
However, since we are only foster parents, we, of course, get nothing, no words, no visits, no updates on the kids.
I wish I could see them and tell them that Daddy didn't send them away, and that I miss them.  It's been boring around here, without the kids to play with.
Yesterday would have been Kar's third Birthday party, but we didn't get to spend it with her.
Maybe the agency will eventually come and talk to us.  But then, since they are part of the government, I'm sure they'll take their own sweet time doing it.

Honestly, I think the agency needs to be reformed and some humanity needs to be interjected into this mess.

Feeling Slightly better today

I don't know why, but for some reason, I was totally wiped out yesterday.
It might have had something to do with not sleeping a full 7 hours Tuesday Morning when I got home from work.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm not 22 anymore, and my body can't go for 24 hours without sleep, like I used to be able to do.
Maybe it's stress from still not knowing about the kids, or maybe it's because I'm just weary.

I still miss my kids, but I'm somewhat calmer now, and will be glad to have them back.

I guess what I'm going to have to do is try to sleep 7 hours a day while I work, even if it means all I do is work and sleep for 4 days.  I'd hate to do that, because I do miss doing other things while I'm working.

I put in for a transfer to a unit with 8 hour shifts, even though there will only be 3 days off.  the full eight hours of sleep would work wonders, and the downtime between waking up and going to work would also be great.

Maybe I'm just getting old.  Maybe I am old.......

The tears of a child.

Ummm.  I'm such a softy, at least some of the time.  Although sometimes I can be hard as nails.  I heard from my wife that one of the kids thinks daddy is mad at her and that's why she got sent away.  I hate to image that any child would think anything like that about anyone.
It's a sad state of affairs when a lovely child thinks it's her fault that she's no longer with mommy and daddy.  I wish there were a way I could tell her that I love her more than life itself, and if I had any say so, she'd be back in her own bed tonight.

The sad thing is, that the current system give agencies such power of individual lives that they can devastate a poor child's psyche.

If you are out there, baby doll, know that I love you and your sister, and Luc, and know that I want you back home so bad I can barely stand it.

Stay strong, be good, and don't forget me.

Times up and no children.

48 hours has come and gone, and still no kids.  I want my kids back.

I feel as if I'm in withdrawal, and I'll explain the symptoms.
I feel as if I'm unbalanced, and I'm missing something I need.
I haven't gotten any hugs from my kids in three days, and I miss their love.
I haven't heard any little voices calling out for Mommy and Daddy, and I miss that.
I feel as if I'm missing a limb, and it's disconcerting, to say the least.

After a year of being a foster parent, I guess I got addicted to the kids, and I wonder if I can live without any in the house.  After this, I believe that kids keep an adult happy, and healthy, and give them a reason to go on.  I can now understand why good parents move  heaven and earth to complete their services and get their kids back.

If my kids ever went back to good homes, I wouldn't have a problem, but so far, the workers at CPS, and the judge let them go back to situations that I wouldn't let them near, just because services were completed.

Come home kids, daddy misses you.

Sis got another baby.

In case you haven't heard, my sister is in the process of adopting another little baby.  I am happy for her, but can't help but feel a little jealous.  She has her forever kids, and ours keep coming and going.  We've been through nine kids, and if these don't come back, it'll be twelve.

At the moment, I very much hate the adoption agencies, and consider them to be ponzy schemes, full of heartless people, that really don't give a care for anything except money.  They suck you in with dreams of forever children, then take your money, and don't deliver.  Well, at least they don't deliver to me or my wife.

Back to my sister, she has a new baby boy, his name is Cody, he was born March 1st, and he's just precious.  I'm happy for her, and wish her all the joy in the world.

48 hours later

It's now been 48 hours since CPS came and took the kids, and I've eaten very little, or done much of anything, except hang around the house.  Believe it or not, it's too quiet around here.  No little feet running around, no calls for Daddy or Mommy, and I feel like there's a hole in my heart.  I guess I could even be a little depressed.  I miss the children so much, and I just don't have the desire to do anything.

Earlier today, I took a short walk, and came back home, but now I'm just sitting and staring at the computer.
My lovely wife went to run her sister home, and was mad at me because I didn't want to go.  I thought that by now, she'd know me well enough to know that when I'm feeling this way, I don't want to go anywhere or do anything.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is, that CPS said it would be 24-48 hours, and I haven't heard a single thing from the investigator at all, since the case workers came and took the kids.  I consider it to be deliberate indifference.  If your policies call for 48 hours, that means that even if it's a weekend, you do your investigation and go talk to the parents that you've just blown apart.  If I worked for CPS, I'd do it right then, so I could get it out of the way.  But then, that's just the way I'd do it.  I guess some people only have this, "I work 8 hours a day, and don't do weekends," kind of mentality.

Wife said that when we get the kids back;  She is hopeful, I'm sitting on the fence between hoping and having the feeling that we won't get them back; she is turning in her 4 weeks notice to her boss.  I've always told her she could quit her job and raise the kids.   She went and cleaned out one of the kids backpacks and found dirty underwear.  It seems that the oldest one had an accident at school and daycare didn't tell us about it, nor did they rinse out the underwear, so my wife is understandably ticked off at daycare,and I don't blame her.

I just want the kids back, it just doesn't feel the same without them.

Day two of the vigil.

As the heading says, it's day two of our vigil.  If you read the entry from yesterday, you'll remember that CPS met my wife at day school and told her that they were taking the kids away from us.  We never did find out why.   One person thought it was something Kar did, while another person asked if we had enemies?
Us, have enemies?  Come on, she works for the city, I work for the state.  The worst we can have is someone who is mad at her for something her boss did, and the worst I have is an inmate pissed off at me.  But we won't know until the investigator comes by.
If CPS investigators are always this way, I can understand why parents hate them so much.  If I were an investigator, I'd want to get my investigation over with, and either close down the house, or bring the kids back home.
There was another rumor about Neglect, but if that's the case, then I have no idea what they are considering neglect.  We feed the kids, give them juice and milk to drink, we hug them when they cry, we give them baths every other night, and we make sure they are in a good place when we go to work.
When they are home, there isn't a single thing they do, that we don't know about, and when they do something wrong, they go to time out.

With everything else that goes on out there; the drug abuse, the child molestation, the real neglect, the witholding of food and water, and the physical abuse, it just seems to strange not to get right on an investigation.  But then, maybe it's just me, I like to get things over with and done.

I wish you could read this, my children: I wish you good dreams.  Be good and know that you'll come back to us.

Prayers desperately needed.

As I am sure, most of you know that my wife and I are foster parents, and we are keeping 3 sweet kids.  Tonight, CPS came and took all three away to respite.  They wouldn't tell us why, but all they could say was, "It was something Kar did at visit with her parents."  They haven't had a visit for two weeks, and I find it somewhat strange that the meth addicted parents waited until Mother's Day weekend, two weeks later, to bring it up to CPS.
If you have any prayers or good thoughts, we could sure use them.

Why does this happen just after my sister got good news?  She got another kid to adopt, and my wife is wondering if we are destined to be parents.  To tell you the truth, I'm wondering the same thing.